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Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Psychology be damned

I don't know if it's my idiot teacher or it's just me, but my psychology class doesn't seem to be fun, informative, or both.

I fact, it's a class mostly dedicated to my instructor telling these outlandish self-glorifying stories, where she is this all-knowing, morally and ethically sound super-hero. In everyone of her stories, she's standing up against convention and always on moral high ground. You don't think so? Well, then I guess you didn't hear about the time that two gang members were about to start shooting at each other and she put her car in between them to save some nearby school childrens' lives. You know she attended Yale right? Well, actually, it's hard not to know what she's done, because she's always name-dropping, and alluding to other exciting things she's done or people she knows that but that she "can't tell us" about because, you know, it's a secret (shhhh).

And as if that's not enough, she's giving out these long take home tests that are stupid writing assignments. Coincidentally, one is due tomorow, but I'm not working on it.

And I don't even need this stupid class to transfer, to boot. Fuck this idiotic instructor, I'd rather drive a nail through my hand than listen to her.

--j

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Friday, September 24, 2004

Results of my independent, non-scientific, though still interesting, informal surveys.

I've been conducting some highly sophisticated scientific research over the course of this school year.

Everyone I've talked to has confirmed my suspicions that my former biology professor did, in fact, have wild mood swings, and it wasn't something that I was just imagining. People also tend to disagree with my belief that she was and is psychotic.

I've also determined that I will never get married or have children, unless I'm like really really old. My sensible lab partner from microbiology, Jessica, who, unlike my professor, wasn't crazy, and several young ladies and 30-year-olds, who I spoke with in my spanish class last night, all stated quite clearly "DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN. DO NOT GET MARRIED." And this is from a woman's perspective, mind you.

--j

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Monday, September 20, 2004

Thumb wacked!

Just after I posted my little rant on being "real," I managed to do this to my thumb:

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How did it happen you ask? Take a look at this: (note the blood spatter on the wall and see that big metal thingy? Yeah, I was pulling that badboy off the top of my shower tub [it's the track that my shower doors slide in] by bending it, which made it much like a spring. When I finally managed to tear it loose, it wacked me real good. My thumb is numb.

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Regards,
--j

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I'm real

So today, this chick I know accused me of not being "real", being "detached", "superficial" and not taking things "seriously." Well, J-LO had to write a song convincing people that she was "real," where she says brilliant things like:

Cause I'm real
(The way you walk, the way you move, the way you talk)
Cause I'm real
(The way you stare, the way you look, your style, your hair)
Cause I'm real
(The way you smile, the way you smell, it drives me wild)
Cause I'm real


What type of crap is that? I'm not convinced. There's tons of fallacies in that argument that I could point out. However, her fans were apparently convinced about her "realness."

Anyway, I'm going to convince you that I'm totally real, and I don't even need to write a song about it, or anything like that. I'm going to convince you in the text baby.

First we've got to ask ourselves, "What is real?" For that anwser, I consulted urbandictionary.com (where I get all my real world definitions, because I am real, afterall).

"Often used by someone to describe themselves as "genuine" or "authentic". It is perhaps the most overused and generic word in current use, rendering it almost meaningless. Browse any personals advertisements and every other person who lacks a sufficiently descriptive vocabulary will describe themselves as "real".

I am for real.
"

Hmm, okay, so... I'm not real, because apparently real doesn't mean "real" anymore. How about authentic? I'll argue that I'm authentic.

So my first question to you, you bastards out there that don't think I'm real (a minority I'm sure), what is it that makes you think that I'm not real? Real is me being me, I can't prove that I am real, because being real is the absense of not being genuine.

And I don't know how being "detached" or not "taking things seriously" makes me not real? That's how I am. Really? Yes. Really. I genuinely don't take things seriously and am genuinely detached, I'm not trying to be this way, it's just the way that I am.

And what is this "superficial" crap? I also consulted urbandictionary.com for a definition of superficial:

Barbie...

Barbie is a superficial bitch!!


Okay, um .. barbie is a plastic doll. She's pretty. And she's a bitch because she's pretty? No one knows what barbie is like, because she doesn't exist. People can't have the quality of being superficial in fact, I think the only people that say stuff like that are either envious or are, in fact, superficial by their own twisted idea of the definition.

Regards,
--j

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Friday, September 17, 2004

My new favorite vice.

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--j

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Thursday, September 16, 2004

Dieciseis de semptiembre!

It's the 16th of September aka independencia de mexico! You all know what that means. It's party tiempo.

--j

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Sunday, September 12, 2004

Proof that girls are evil

From www.urbandictionary.com:

"Proof that girls are evil:

First, girls need time and money:
Girl = Time * Money

And we know that time is money:
Girl = Money * Money

We also know that money is the root of all evil:
Money = Evil ^ 1/2

Therefore:
Money ^ 2 = Evil

So we are forced to conclude that:
Girl = Evil"

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Saturday, September 11, 2004

meine zehe!

Here is an x-ray of my right toe (first metatarsal area) that I had on friday. The "unhappy zones" (read: painful) are shaded in red and the "happy zones" are shaded in blue for you benefit. Apparently it is a normal toe and foot as far as bones go and the pain I feel is from soft tissue/ligament damage ;-).

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--j

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Thursday, September 09, 2004

This had me in stiches

As you all know, I'm a huge fan of www.urbandictionary.com, because people come up with some pretty hillarious stuff, though stupid it may be. I was adding my own definition of "john kerry" and "swiff boat," when I came across this defintinion of John Kerry:

"A flip-flopper. The oldest looking man to ever run for president. He earned 3 purple hearts from hardly being injured 3 times, and earned them primarily just to get out of Vietnam. Once he left 'Nam he flip-flopped and ragged on his fellow soldiers and even had the retardedness to throw his medals away (he claims that he threw away his ribbons, but the ribbons represent medals, so its the same thing). He desperately needs botox injections and looks very much like a talking tree from Lord Of The Rings. He is worshipped by people who aren't very intelligent and will get us taken over by China due to their unsupportingness of the military (dumb democrats). He launched an evil scheme to brainwash all teenagers that listen to alternative music and it worked out great due to the fact that most teenagers love the Rock Against Bush album. John Kerry is a flip-flopping flip-flopper.

So John Kerry walks into a bar and the bartender says to him, "Hey John, why the long face?""


And also:


"Democratic candidate for the office of President of the U.S. in the 2004 elections. Strongly resembles Herman Munster.

If John Kerry gets elected, they should play the theme song from the Munsters at his Inauguration."


I strongly suggest that everyone investigate www.urbandictionary.com to the fullest extent allowed by the law in your country (those under the iron fist of internet censorship, you know who you are).

Regards,
--j

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Wednesday, September 08, 2004

Biblioteca, I adore thee

So school is going well. I'm actually doing well in school, interestingly enough. Often, my level of happiness is inversly proportional to how much work/school work I'm doing. However, I've found a nifty way, previously unknown to myself to accomplish being both happy and academically sound (which, coincidentally, I need to be quite academically sound to transfer to UCLA, where I will have good time. A VERY VERY good time.).

What is this magical way you ask? Got to the library! It's all there baby!

How boring you might think. It's true, I thought it too! Going to the library to study used to be a pretty shitty boring experience and thus I rarely did it, except when I REALLY REALLY needed to get something done. And I still go when I really need to get something done, however, I also go maybe an hour or two early before class, and I've met some really chill people and some amazingly fine honies since I started regularily going to just get stuff done. The end result, is that it typically takes longer for me to acomplish relatively short homework, but I do get it done, and I usually have quite a bit of fun while doing it. In fact, it's really strange now, because when I go into the library, sit at an table, within minutes, the table has reached it's seating capacity, and others around us have begun to make those lame fake coughing sounds (as if to say shut the hell up). It's literally like we're gang-rapping the table or something, if you can stomach that analogy.

It's just interesting that such a boring place could be made interesting. All it takes is people.

But I do have a life outside of the library. In fact, my life inside of the library is spilling it's guts out into the street (don't slip on the intestines). I'm going to TJ with some cholos (see Urbandictionary.com if you're not in the know) I met in the library to celebrate mexican independence day (an excuse to get sloshed).

And who would've thought that the library could be more interesting than the people in many of my classes. Go to your library and kick it! However, going too much is not something that you should do.

Regards,
--j

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Sunday, September 05, 2004

The more things change, the more they remain the same *sigh*.

You know when you've started posting conversations on your blog, that you've hit a new low, even for internet journalism; well, fuck it, it's hillarious:

QueenieAdrock: i have a question
jimjoneshorse: where the fuckin' safe at, somebody better anwser?
QueenieAdrock: ok so i need to do a really good prank on someone

...

jimjoneshorse: umm are you high right now?
QueenieAdrock: does it matter?
jimjoneshorse: yeah, it kinda does, because if you are, then i can forgive you
jimjoneshorse: pranks are kinda high school
jimjoneshorse: in fact, they are highschool
QueenieAdrock: eh whatever, i wanna go and ponder life in the forest
jimjoneshorse: and obsessing over someone that much to carefully plan something out like that is um ... really really lame
QueenieAdrock: obsessing over someone?
QueenieAdrock: lol
jimjoneshorse: as your friend, please do something better with your time
jimjoneshorse: you're cooler than that
QueenieAdrock: what the fuck do you know about me ?
jimjoneshorse: enough
QueenieAdrock: no you don't, i don't even hang out with you
jimjoneshorse: well it's not like you've changed
QueenieAdrock: you have no idea
jimjoneshorse: you haven't changed at all, it's totally obvious to me
QueenieAdrock: lol you are so retarded, you never even knew me to begin with. it's so annoying that you act like we were great friends or something
*** "QueenieAdrock" signed off at Sun Sep 05 16:31:48 2004.

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Thursday, September 02, 2004

My Spanish Class

My spanish class seems to have quite a few interesting characters in it which I would like to describe.

First, we have Flaming Homosexual Guy (FHG), (my personal favorite) only he's also arrogant and an asshole (not typical of our FHG stereotype we like to think of) and he says a lot of stupid things while he's trying to be act smart. It's pretty hillarious.

Next, we have Loud Mouth Big Black Mamma (LMBBG), only she's not a big mamma. She's actually rather thin or flacca as we like to say in my class. She's having a hard time with the class (I think she's never had any language classes before).

Finally, we have Spastic White Crackhead Chick (SWCC), only she's older (maybe in her 50's or so, but you can tell she was very pretty when she was younger) and nearly emmaciated (though still somewhat elegant). I'm not sure what condition she has, but she's also having a hard time with the class and she periodically says interesting things that tend to amuse me.

Today SWCC suggested that the fact that el vestido (a dress), that is curiously masculine (when one thinks of a dress as feminine) could, perhaps, be explained by crossdressing. We all had a good chuckle, though I'm not sure if we we're laughing with or at her.

--j

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